


The Official list of life skills as directed by the Rampion Crew for his Majesty, Emperor Kaito, aka our pal Kai.

by au_moins_jessaie



Category: Lunar Chronicles - Marissa Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:20:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26832826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/au_moins_jessaie/pseuds/au_moins_jessaie
Summary: The official time in which Kai was kidnapped aboard the Rampion was short lived. Really, from retrospect one would assume the most significant revelation would’ve been the identity of a certain missing Princess, or the ambitious plan to usurp a fortified government. Interestingly however, the most notable takeaway from the experience was Kai’s blatant lack of life skills.The adventures of the Rampion crew seeking to bolster Kai's life skills, inspired by Winter.
Relationships: Crescent Moon "Cress" Darnel/Carswell Thorne, Iko & Carswell Thorne, Iko & Kai (Lunar Chronicles), Jacin Clay/Winter Hayle-Blackburn, Kai & Cinder, Kai & Konn Torin, Kai & Liam Kinney, Kai/Linh Cinder, Scarlet Benoit/Wolf | Ze'ev Kesley
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	The Official list of life skills as directed by the Rampion Crew for his Majesty, Emperor Kaito, aka our pal Kai.

**Author's Note:**

> This was initially written as a head-canon, so it doesn't follow a proper dialogue and narrative format. Nevertheless, I decided to post it since I thought it might be a decent enough read.
> 
> Also cross-posted on my Tumblr. Enjoy!

The official time in which Kai was kidnapped aboard the Rampion was short lived. Really, from retrospect one would assume the most significant revelation would’ve been the identity of a certain missing Princess, or the ambitious plan to usurp a fortified government. Interestingly however, the most notable takeaway from the experience was Kai’s blatant lack of life skills. So the dust settles on the Lunar revolution; weddings come and go, world exploration is embarked upon, a Queen abdicates and an Empress is sworn in. But of more importance, according to its initiators, is the mission to teach Kai any and all life skills deemed necessary.

Thus **_‘The Official and completely authentic list of life skills as directed by the Rampion Crew for his Majesty, Emperor Kaito of the Eastern Commonwealth, aka our pal Kai’_ **was born. Iko sticks with the lengthy name despite Cinder mentioning her retina display’s warning of superfluity. The unofficial title of the official title replaced Kai's name with "Cinder's trophy husband", which earned Thorne a jab to the side from the cyborg in question.

Most of Winter's additions are charming but unachievable, such as her advice to dance on top of a pony, _whilst_ wearing matching outfits with said Pony. Kai declines for the most part but does fulfil the smaller task of wearing matching face paint with someone, where he and Cinder don small cheek marks on one of their ventures out. Many officials question whether Winter's eccentricities indicate faults in the bioelectrical-dampening device, but such proposals are discarded with the realisation that Winter is simply Winter.

Cress is eager to give ideas, much of which is inspired from her time in her satellite. Being incredibly sheltered, a lot of her ideas are ones that Kai has already completed over his life, but nevertheless, he does his best to recreate some of them, if nothing else but for fun. Her workout regimes are unnecessary when Kai's carefully thought out diet and nutritionist are taken into account. He regardless makes an effort to add some of the stretches into his morning routine, even encouraging Cinder to join in ("Your foot can't be asleep, that's impossible, it's metal." "It’s a bit more technical than just metal and I could turn it off if I really wanted to." "Would you?" "I mean, if it could let me stay in bed for another twenty minutes instead of going to a press conference, I just might consider it"). Kai also kindly rejects Cress' proposed ethical hacking, insisting that if ever a situation should arise, “I'd entrust hacking to you over myself any day”.

Thorne's contributions are ignored by everyone but still added to the list by Iko, even though they consist of everything from "Scale a mountain and plant a flag of your face at the top" to "Transfer 100,000 units to Carswell Thorne". His idea to build up flight training is taken on board however, although Kai does not seek his guidance from Thorne himself. Cress finds Thorne's ideas endearing, no matter how bombastic and preposterous they are. One of his more creative schemes is for Kai to build an island right off Jeju where Cyborgs can vacation. It is (unsurprisingly) rejected, but one day Thorne boards the Rampion to find a diorama of the island, complete with sustainable popsicle stick Cinder, Scarlet and Thorne. Thorne breaks out in an inescapable grin that only Cress can bring and scoops her into his arms. Between his praises he declares that she can be the honorary non-cyborg invited to the island. 

Jacin is nothing if not practical, with two simple contributions: 'Learn first aid', and the weightier 'review medical laws'. In light of the harmful Cyborg Draft, Kai continues to study medical law to find any lapses of justice, although the majority of the inquiry is spearheaded by the ever alert Empress Selene.

Scarlet is the most dogmatic in what is attested to be life skills. Basic dishes and chores are her additions, and Kai completes them, even with some blundering and his palace staff protesting to the Emperor lifting a finger ("Your majesty this is _my_ job! You can't do the washing up!"). Despite their refusals, Kai is finally able to break through their fronts with the help of the assertive Iko and the fact that no one bothers to protest what Cinder does in the palace ("You would let the Empress hang out the clothes!", "With all due respect your Majesty, Empress Selene does whatever she wants"). Wolf, having learnt many of his own life skills from farming or with unattainable resources from Luna, mostly supports whatever Scarlet lists.

Iko, being the originator and organiser of the list, adds anything she believes of being the utmost importance. This comes to include an extensive collection of skills, of which Kai only prioritises and endeavours to try a few. Many are superficial, such as braiding hair, which Iko personally sees to it that he learns. This results in many sessions where the android babbles instructions to the flustered but dedicated Kai, who patiently weaves Cinder's hair back and forth until he familiarises himself with the pattern. Cinder simply chuckles and stays still as the hair model of choice, usually catching up on comms and royal duties on her port-screen. Although a bit frustrated at times, Kai sticks with learning until his braids are accepted by Iko, further motivated by Iko's reprimand: "What if you have a daughter, and when she grows up she's asked: _"Princess, what is your greatest woe in life?"_ and she responds that her father never braided her hair?"

Baffled by the suggestions, Kai once asks Kinney what he makes of the proposed life skills, to which Kinney responds that "her Majesty Empress Selene and yourself, Emperor Kaito have no need to consider such ideas. You are the rulers of the Eastern Commonwealth and as such are more than adequately suited to your roles. You do not need to concern yourself with fanciful suggestions". Kai chooses to largely overlook Kinney's reasoning, keeping in mind that in the ever-dutiful Guard's eyes, Cinder was already untouchable and practically perfect.

Although just as dutiful, Torin is more lighthearted towards the list, his fierce determination and protective nature over Kai having softened with Cinder's influence. Recognising what the approval of not just his people but his friends means to him, Torin encourages Kai to pursue the skills if he “feels it will befit his responsibilities as Emperor”. And if Cinder's singular addition of watching New Shanghai's most renowned musical happens to be Torin's favourite film, that's probably a coincidence.

Cinder adds nothing to the list, barring some subtle requests from a certain advisor, since most of her skills (ranging from mechanical know-how, ruling a Kingdom 101 and overthrowing a tyrannical queen who is also your Aunt) are inconsequential to Kai. That, and the fact that being around her all the time means he can simply observe her work, as he often does with her mechanical labor. The ruling of a Kingdom also proves to be a bust, since Kai is the more experienced one of the two, however he often finds himself intrigued by her perspective on matters, free from the bias of his politically-centred upbringing. Cinder works hard to help Kai accomplish the skills, especially since although he would never admit it, she knows he secretly really cares about succeeding in them.

Slowly the revised list is whittled down as Kai completes the tasks to a partial or full success. Although some of them are simply not feasible, reasonable, or even doable, the sometimes sweet and sometimes egregious (Thorne's) suggestions are kept if for nothing else than a memorable laugh. Eventually both Iko and Kai deem that he has sufficiently built enough life skills to indicate a significant improvement from his time on the Rampion. Yet the list never truly fades, with other members of the crew occasionally receiving a skill to try, often the result of an inside joke or dare. Kai comes to consider himself fairly well-rounded, but still remembers to imitate the humility and modesty of some of the most notable people in his life.

And if all else fails, at least he can talk eloquently enough to save his life.

Except he'll probably just interject with sarcasm.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading the shenanigans. Even though I joked about the list title being superfluous, I actually did edit it for the title of the fic because it was one too many words :D
> 
> À bientôt!


End file.
